If it weren't for today, I wouldn't have found out what a huge misunderstanding the whole of last semester was. If I hadn't been awfully awkward, I would have told everyone. Then again, I was too exhuasted to care. Honestly, if that was what you thought, that was fine by me.

People have too much in their lives. What difference would it make to mine if anyone had stopped to understand? If entertainment at my expense, by all means, go ahead. This isn't the first anyway. If only Rach was here, everything is and will be, crystal clear. She knows how I act when I'm awkward. Not everyone understands. I guess my actions only made it worse because I wanted to hide in a hole, all the time. Hide, because I knew that everyone had their eyes on me- and that every single unintentional thing I did or where I stood could pose as an entertainment. Hide, because everything isn't taken as it is. It's always taken further than what I would have liked it to. Hide, because I felt as if I was responsible for it all. Well, everyone thought it was a joke. They don't take me seriously huh. How about the frustration and annoyance that I am faced with everyday? I try my best to not show it, but that doesn't mean that I'm okay with it. Laughter? Was there any real ones coming from me? I wouldn't complain if nothing was the matter. It wasn't as if I wasn't doing anything to stop it. It's a fact that I couldn't stop rolling my eyes once I got away from the scene.

I can't hide or avoid because it would be very negative to the person who was affected as well. That's my friend too, y'know. What do you think I should do, then. Act like everything's all fine and dandy? Please. That's not the kinda person I am. Everyone of my Singaporean friends I've talked to, knows exactly how I feel and what I'm going through. Do you? Do you not once stopped to think if that 'victim' is alright? I guess not. Sensitive?

What a huge mess it was. To me, it looked superficially fine. To everyone, it was fine. Ruining a friendship isn't wonderful. Especially, a person who I do not know well enough. Every one of those friendship I hold them dear. Not everyone understands what I've been through to get here.



I had given up, but thanks for clearing that up, Emily, who I did not expect to listen to me. Those who had wished to listen would already have. I'm done here, for now.


It has been a great start. Let's hope that it stays. Everything forgiven. Maybe, just maybe, we could fix this from the start.